Confused

Reached to my boiling point of frustration, sick&tired of being sick&tired..I just want to be happy & to forget about the past.. but the past is holding my future prison.. It has affected me more than I imagine. No one understands. But it's alright, I don't expect anyone too unless you've been where I've been, seen what I've seen and took a spear right through your aching heart, turning cold after that night. If loving you is wrong, I don't want to be right. Why is it so hard.. I want to write so much because there's so many shit going through my mind but I don't even know where to start.. unreal.